A place where beehive hairdos, cheap liquid eyeliner and sailor tattoos are de rigueur . . .

A place where a night on the tiles ain't been a good one unless it ended wrecked and wretched, high and half-naked . . .

A place where the tabloid press revel in tragi-comic tales of drink and drug-fuelled benders that haven't ended in weeks, maybe months.

Or maybe not. Yes, it's hard to imagine our Amy settling down in front of the telly on a Saturday night with a nice glass of wine, slippers on and, er, crack pipe on the go (actually, that bit you can imagine).

But perhaps this image isn't as far-fetched as it sounds. Not after the singer launched an astonishing – and wholly unlikely – attack on the X Factor judges earlier this week.

Amy said that Simon Cowell was the reason hairdressers haven't changed advertising snaps in windows since the Sixties. Hilarious.

The 25-year-old then branded Louis Walsh a 'fool' who talks 's***' (fair comment] and accused him of having no personality (ditto].

The singer also claimed that Cheryl Cole is after her skinny bones. "I love Cheryl, I love Cheryl. She fancies me I'm telling you," she laughed.

Then she mocked Dannii Minogue for always standing up to be heard. "It's like so embarrassing, like what does that even mean? Dannii always has to stand up, she always has to stand up. Have you ever noticed that? (not really, but we believe you, Amy].

Rock stars, eh? They're not what they used to be. Here we all were, thinking that Amy was the poster girl for rock 'n' roll living in the 21st century, and all the while she's at home glued to X Factor like the rest of us.

Meanwhile, the Rehab singer - who spent most of the previous week running wild outside her London home - is said to have taken quite a shine to 16-year-old X Factor hopeful Eoghan Quigg (the poor boy].

A representative for the singer said, "It's true that Amy called him. It's because her goddaughter Dionne went to X Factor and met Eoghan and was raving about him to Amy.

"It was a courtesy call to lend her support and to be a little protective of Dionne! I believe she thought he was very nice though."

Understandably, X Factor boss Cowell is reportedly livid at the thought of Amy going anywhere near his talent.

The source added, "Simon will hit the roof when he finds out about this.

"Amy is a massive talent but she's in a bad place and the thought of her becoming pals with the youngest finalist is too much."

Nevertheless, it's reported that Cowell could be about to offer Winehouse a slot on the show.

The music mogul acknowledges that she's a massive star and, although he knows she can be unpredictable when she is performing, it is thought that he could invite her to perform during the live X Factor final.

For once, Louis Walsh should have something interesting to say. The nation waits with bated breath . . .